Illiterate Businesses

PLURALIZE THIS...

This mistake is so common that some sacreligious grammar guides actually give in to the atrocity with pathetic "exceptions" for numbers, abbreviations and acronyms. But that doesn't make it O.K. to use an apostrophe in "4x4's" in this context, BECAUSE THE 4x4s DON'T POSSESS ANYTHING! An apostrophe does not a plural make, EVER. And if you don't believe me, then ask the Apostrophe Protection Society.

D.I.Y. PUNCTUATION

This specimen illustrates a common strategy used by sign writers who lack confidence with apostrophes. Rather than making a mistake or trying to figure out what the sign really needs to communicate, the writer simply uses no apostrophe whatsoever, leaving it up to the reader to fill in the blank(s). Unfortunately, it's not likely that most readers today will be up to the task. (For the record, "owners" needs an apostrophe after the "s" because the sentence refers to all violators (a plural possessive). A clearer approach would be to refer to any single offending owner, as in: "Any violator will be ticketed and towed at the owner's expense").

ONE EGG OR TWO?

Ok, so it's a menu, not a sign ... but it annoys me just the same. Sometimes, people who can't spell err on the side of minimalism ("omlets"). Sometimes, they err on the side of excess ("ommelettes"). More often, they don't think much at all, and just get it wrong. (For the record, the correct spelling is: omelettes.)

THREE HEADS ARE NOT BETTER THAN ONE

This is a perfect example of what happens when sign writing is left to the plebs: everyone has an opinion and no one is right. The original sign's flaws were grammatical and spelling. Moron #2 sought to fix things but didn't know how to spell "Neither" and didn't realize that a "neither" requires a "nor". Moron #3 (identifiable by different pen ink) tried to improve matters, but no one noticed that there is an "are" where an "is" should be. Despite all this, my only real beef with this sign is that "The Club" has left this mess on its wall. (Click on the thumbnail for a larger view of the sign, to see all the gory details).

I'M FEELING A BIT TEN-PERAMENTAL

This sign threw me for a loop. I had to study it to be sure that there was a spelling error ("Tenpura" rather than "Tempura") as opposed to a badly designed font. But, comparing the "n" in Tenpura to the "n" in Noodle confirmed my worst suspicions. Adding insult to injury, you apparently get only one noodle with your tenpura. I could complain about inconsistent use of spaces and improper style for indicating time, but that would just be nit-picking, wouldn't it?

CLOSE, BUT NO CIGAR

This restaurant has been out of business for more than 6 years. I wonder if its signage had anything to do with its demise? Either passersby are being asked to shut something, or they are being informed that they are near to something. Perhaps the menu was equally ambiguous....

DUELING APOSTROPHES

The use of apostrophes after both names here denotes that there are two separate businesses owned by two separate men. If each man owned a cat, it would read: "Zak's and Tony's cats". But alas, Zak and Tony are not telling the world they own cats, they are telling us that they are joint owners of a single business. Thus, the proper punctuation is: "Zak and Tony's (business)".